During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
