I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
