it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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