Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
