R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
