Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
