is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
