Soap is not a condiment
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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