operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
