I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
