Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
