I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There r osticjed everywhere
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
