Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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