which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
