mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
