somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
