He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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