I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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