I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
