take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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