It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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