new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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