By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
