I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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