my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
