therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
