so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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