i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
