Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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