It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
