I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
