mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
