You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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