My first STD was from a foam party
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
