A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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