i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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