i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
