If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
