Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
