smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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