i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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