He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
