all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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