nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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