I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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