Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
