I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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