Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize