i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
