just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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