my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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