I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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