Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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