can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
