I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
