If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
