she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
