thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
