My hand turned me down
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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