Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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