i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize