remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
