Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
