Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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